There is GOD.

The picture which inspired REM 'Man on the moon'

I tell people that I am an atheist. Today is the day to come out with all the facts for the sake of thousands of readers of my blog.I lied, and I lied because of the same reason you all lie -- to survive. Because, the name of my god produces tremendous hatred among some of the people. But, I repent now.True faith gives true strength. My faith is driving me towards this revelation.

There is only one god. The characteristics of that god are omnipresence, omniscience and omnipotence. That god is LOVE. The only representation (reincarnation) of that god is nothing other than ---------->>> SATYA SAI BABA.


Whenever, some one approaches me in defense of their religion, I always ask for a miracle. Without miracles why the hell would I want to join them. They argue that miracles exist..but when I ask for proof ..they say, " I will show it tommorow". People, I am offering proof...right here...right now....today...now..here....now..today.

Strictly 18++.

You know, I always used to ask - What is the meaning of life? I might have found the truth. I could be wrong..but the answer makes me feel gooood. There is a lot of meaning in a man's life when he find another man's love...and they both walk towards the sunset hand in hand. What a bliss!

FAQ's coming.

please leave comments if you have any questions. Will be answered here.


A.S : proof? just those videos? then what about those hundreds of times people saw vibhudhi dropping from Sai's photos and Kalki bhagwan eating morsels of prasad that was offered..these are proofs for those people..

Answer : My child, You are ignorant. Comparing  'vibhudhi droppings' (bird?) and 'eating morsels of prasad' (only morsels?) to  ' vomiting siva linga from body'  is like comparing 'Nakka' and 'Nagaloka'. Please leave your address here. We will teach you a lesson.

A.S : no one cares..it is just that each one has their own perception of religion/truth etc etc..

Answer : The point of this post is to prove that - each one has their own but SAME perception of religion/truth. Because, people need GOD for only  one reason -- Fear.


S.G : How about  all the rumors that SSB is a pedophile?


Answer : proof?


S.G : Like here.

Answer : They are lying. Even if they are not, remember - God is LOVE.He doesn't discriminate. 


A.S (again) : and yeah.. what was the siva linga made of? gold? aluminum? which metal? 

how nice if he could vomit just enough of that metal to sustain that particular industry..its a win win situation.. reduced burden on that ore and SSB could contribute towards controlling global warming..

Answer : You are ignorant.What ever SSB do, there is always a reason. He spits out golden siva lingas because  he was pissed off with  the cost of the gold..these days. The more gold he produces...the less the cost of the gold. Demand and Supply. About global warming...SSB says that the world is getting warmer because of the warmth he produces...out of love. No need to worry. 

S.G : According to SSB, in the second video 5:50, he  is obsessed with you all the time. He follows you and stalks you. He says that there is deep connection...thats borderline vulgar..hilarious though.


Answer : Baba loves you sooo much..that he wants u to laugh all the time..even at this expense.


S.G : Okay, at 2:30 in the secondvideo..what the hells happening? why the guy sitting and the other playing guitar?
Answer : how the fuck I am supposed to know!


S.G : Baba has 50 million followers? soo many fools running for false idols.Ridiculously Astounding! 
Answer : May be u need some ass-pounding!


S.G : At 6:52, second video, what was happening to the translator?
Answer : Its called partial orgasm, lot of SSB devotees experience that.


S.G : at 4.00, third video, who is that politician defending SSB?
Answer : He is the great murali manohar joshi... was the HR minister of India.


S.G : wake up!
Answer :  why?


S.G : no idea.
Answer : egg shat ly.

Yesterday's moments of ZEN

Caution : Please don't enter if you work for Indian censor board.

arun : anyway nice to chat with u after long time

me: why..u leavig now

arun: no

just am telling

r u married?

r sitting looking

me: not yet man

arun: dont marry man..enjoy the life

ravi : arey maamuu..news vinnava?

me : entadi

ravi : world is ending in 2012

me : chala time vundi kada bey..

ravi : ekkada bey...only 3 yrs..

me : manaki 30 vachinappude mana time ayyipodhira..

ravi : :)

friend : I am bored.

me : man, your life is my dream.

friend : why?

me : You staying at home and your wife working.

     A perfect life.

friend : I cant cook ..yo

me : I just need a woman who is modern  enuf to work

     and conservative enuf to cook.

friend : day dreamon!

me : i think ur father is half-drunk..

josh : My father is dead.  Suicide, remember.

me : u just killed the discussion...maaaan

josh : Me?  You're the insensitive bastard that's talking about my poor dead pappy.

me : did the brain came out or the bullet?

josh : A bit of both, I'd imagine.

me : rich dad, poor dad, dead dad.

josh : My dad's dead, but yours is still around to *&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&

me : rich dad, poor dad, dead dad, horny dad.

friend2 : anna, can I buy drugs over the counter??? (edited)

friend3 : What do u think the true test of love?

me : oral sex.

me: I mean ..before bath.

friend3 : profound!

me: thambi

Sid : yo

  ennai

me: sangatul suthul hithul

Sid : ath**

pramod : jesus....blah..

me: jesus!!!

Barfly movie --- By Bukowski, about Bukowski

                                                                                                    
Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.


                                                                                         Hey baby, nobody suffers like the poor. 
                                                                                                 
                                                                                          This is a world where everybody's gotta do something. Y'know, somebody laid down this rule that everybody's gotta do something, they gotta be something
                                                                                     


Sometimes I just get tired of thinking of all the things that I don't wanna do.
All the things that I don't wanna be.


                          I could look at women's legs for hours.

     He symbolizes everything that disgusts me.Obviousness. Unoriginal macho energy. Ladies man

I am a bum. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to write about the sufferings of the upper classes?


Well, baby, look around. It's a, it's a cage with golden bars.

This is what happens when you let a European director come and direct a movie written by bukowski - Slow moving with some art movie pretensions .But, at the same time..I dont think you can make a much better movie out of that script. Because, the script is not about the story. It is about a character...and especially a real life character of bukowski. If your character gets drunk half of the time, this is what you get.

There is a scene in the movie where faye dunaway..shows her legs..and she was I guess..almost 50 at the time of the shoot. Thats is nothing less monumental  for a movie buff. :). Because, she reminds me of a tough school principle. In bonny and clyde ( Which I think is the movie which represents a new generation in hollywood) she robs and kill people mercilessly, in china town...she  plays a character which has a fascade of  toughness outside..but vunerable inside, in network which I think is one of her best performances..you just wanna go and spit on her; in 3 days of a condor..she plays this strong character who gets kidnapped by the hero..etc. Thats why,  that scene is surprising for many of us. She is your class teacher you had crush on!

Mickey Rourke. All I can say about him is that he is a tortured inconsistent genius.

Poverty row poetry --- Tribute to Charles Bukowski --- 1

If I were a writer or a poet, I would be 30% charles bukowski.

But, I am not a poet..and I never understood poetry..except sri sri's.
The problem with poetry, especially English poetry is that they use too many complicated words and complex sentence constructs.
Word wizardry reminds me of 'mastery of domain'. (Seinfeld ref)
Actually, poetry itself reminds me of that.

Then comes charles bukowski. Simple words with devastating effect. A slap.A clap.A trap.
More importantly - they are very real.His poems are like neo-realism (of movies) of poetry.

He fascinates me and repels me. When he talks about 'philosophy', I just want to go and smack him.
The problem is that - it makes you feel that he is right. It makes you feel that ..may be there is a

1. lie
2. truth
3. truth which you don't want to accept (Goedels theorm??)

That pisses you off to no end. You want certainty in life. No wonder, people follow holy books ..to the word. I disagree with his Alcohol Vs Marijuana "soliloquy". I believe alcohol is the most dangerous drug..but he finds solace in it. Sometimes, I dont like him at all.But, you know what ---- He is real.

                           roll the dice

                      if you’re going to try, go all the
                      way.
                      otherwise, don’t even start.

                      if you’re going to try, go all the
                      way.
                      this could mean losing girlfriends,
                      wives, relatives, jobs and
                      maybe your mind.

                      go all the way.
                      it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.
                      it could mean freezing on a
                      park bench.
                      it could mean jail,
                      it could mean derision,
                      mockery,
                      isolation.
                      isolation is the gift,
                      all the others are a test of your
                      endurance, of
                      how much you really want to
                      do it.
                      and you’ll do it
                      despite rejection and the worst odds
                      and it will be better than
                      anything else
                      you can imagine.

                      if you’re going to try,
                      go all the way.
                      there is no other feeling like
                      that.
                      you will be alone with the gods
                      and the nights will flame with
                      fire.

                      do it, do it, do it.
                      do it.

                      all the way
                      all the way.

                      you will ride life straight to
                      perfect laughter, its
                      the only good fight
                      there is.

                                - Charles Bukowski

Its a wonderful life

Watched this movie last night. Vodka or the movie..no idea..
Almost cried in the end. A must watch.
Watch the whole movie on youtube..if you are stingy or lazy.
James Stewart is awesome!

GEMS --------> Ostre sledované vlaky ( Closely Watched Trains )

I am running out of superlatives here. No problem...because I dont wanna use them here..Especially for a movie which tries hard not to be spectacular. I wanna talk about a movie which does it work calmly without any grandiose claims and aims. I call this kind as cute little movies.

If you want to know about other cultures, you don’t need to go anywhere. All you need to do is watch movies...I mean AUTHENTIC movies. As you go on watching movies all over the world, you will realize that human mentality is all the same. I am serious! Its all the fucking same. People are all the same. The only difference is in the details. for example, I can empathize with the kid's experience in the movie.

Sexual prowess is an important thing for an adult male. It defines him.Especially, when are becoming into an adult, the thoughts of being impotent are horrifying. Sometimes, they act like self fulfilling prophecies, at least temporarily. I still remember the day the first time I saw rupa ganguly.okay, lets not go into the details. Anyway, the teenager in this movie goes thru the same phases.

When u become an adult, you wanna teach the young the lessons you learnt. You can see that character in this movie. I love this character..as I see myself in him. The principle of moral majority never work with our types. We are the anti-thesis to the psycho pants and people who lacks character and shadows the character which is powerful..like the nazis in this movie. We conform to nothing. You cant dictate us.Screw the modesty!

What is this movie about? It could be about  growing up,cowards and sellouts, nazis and second world war. It could be about trains, about snow, and about the beauty of B&W.It could be about the village, about history, about solitude. It could be about stamps and using them erotically. Its about the doctor advising you to 'think about football'.No, scrach all that. I think, It is all about comedy and absurdity of life. It some how reminds me of my fav book catch 22. Ya, they made it in to a movie..didnt like it, loved MASH though, by none other than robert altman. I digress.

I enjoy this movie to no end. It starts with a bang...with no art movie pretentions..no boring long shots and no fucking metaphors .I may even want to put it in to the category of 'BASICS'.A Czechoslovakian B&W movie made in 1966 must be in that category..right? (lol here). Thats the power of cinema.Comedy, subtle or otherwise, always rocks.I sometimes think that comedy, especially black comedy, comes from anger. I have seen that many times. Its about the anger you get when u notice the absurdity of some of the 'morals', its about seeing the nazis occupying your country..and its about seeing your country men trying to be and look like nazis and collaborating with them. The more the anger..the better the comedy.If people truly knows what life is about, then all they do is ..write comedy,do comedy and make comedy movies.One of that movie is,

My Cute little, Closely Watched Trains. Directed by Jiri menzel.


The cut. If you dont like it, dont blame me or the movie. Blame it on Vodka.

Only 16+..strictly.

Cheer up!

Feeling embarrassed already. a white girl and a nerd. good formula.nice song.

G(M)EMS ---- Eraserhead

   

David Lynch. David Lynch. David.
I wrote his name 2.5 times here, because I want you to remember that name. Especially, if you are a woman, better not go on a date with him. Even if you go, better not let him talk about his movies. Because, that would be the most weirdest nightmarish date ever.

Facts apart, This is the guy who makes me think against my desire that, "America did produce some really good variety of movies..and it did produce some great movies". May be you noticed that I said America, not Hollywood. Good 4 u. Because, Most of the great movies were made by rebels in hollywood and independents.

The movie is Eraserhead and the director is David Lynch. I am telling you right here, that people may question my judgement of putting this in GEMS section. My answer would be affirmative, and the reason is - this is indeed one of the weirdest movies ever made and any 'est' movies belong to GEMS. Instead of saying weirdest, let me change it to the most alternate realistic movie. This is because, this movie could happen to anyone...I mean, in their nightmares!

Ever had nightmares? How did you feel? ever tried describing them? I want you to think of this movie as a silly nightmare..because if you dont think of it in that way, you may lose your desire to live, have sex or  have kids. People may say that they are more disgusted than scared by this movie...but I believe in this case - disgust is extreme form of fear..a subconscious fear. May be you would just  laugh out loud and call it one of the silliest movies ever made. There you go - I gave you a real example of surrealism. Surrealism polarizes people.

When talking about surreal movies, its pointless to talk about the story. Because, it is again, just pointless. Even the script of this movie was 21 pages..which is nothing.It does have  a concrete linear story though. So, surreal movies, I guess, comes from the  interpretation,imagination, lots of spare time, crazy people who believes in the crazy director's craziness etc.Made in 1977 with minuscule budget provided by the AFI as a student grant, used B&W as an aesthetic, with natural sounds ...it sometimes make me feel as if this was shot on a different planet...at different time.

I believe art exists for only one reason ---> to describe an emotion. Its like people looking at the painting..and saying, " Dude, thats what I wanted to say". The same with movies. That is why, people come to watch tragic movies just to cry. Eraserhead, somehow, excellently portrays the subconscious fears of sexuality, dread for the future and loneliness. I also sometimes feel that there must be certain amount of contempt and disgust for the people and the society he/she is living in for a movie director to make this kind of movie. And, I also believe the same logic applies to the viewers who likes it. Thats the reason why..this movie plays a lot in the midnight circuit..where the night owls and outcasts come to make fun of the society. I guess.

complaint : I would make the movie move a bit faster.

The cut:

Performance Vs Anxiety by me and Metamorphosis by Escher.

The Graph :

                                    
                        


The picture :

  

G(M)EMS ---- McCabe & Mrs.Miller

You know,I realised that -  when I was talking about movies, I was directly talking about deep cuts( as in itunes deep cuts)..and its difficult to appreciate those movies because..one need to go thru the 'basics' and then 'next steps' and then 'deep cuts'.But, you have to trust me when I say that they ARE deep cuts.May be one day, I will divide all the movies I like into those three categories.For instance shawshank redemption is a basic..but 3 days of a condor is next level and Dr.strange love is deep cut.

The movie I am going to talk about - is not even a deep cut..it is beyond that...it is a personal cut. When you make a connection at some deep, personal level..then I call it a personal cut (tm). I just patented that word.Its like this diary you wrote when you were a kid..no body understands it, except you. The thing with personal movies is that - you need to have a substance with you to destroy boundaries within yourself. Make you less logical but more emotional. That substance, for me, with respect to this movie is alcohol.Just like weed for 2001: A space oddessey. (Before you put on your judging wigs on ..I am neither an  alcohol nor drug addict).

That movie is Mccabe and Mrs.miller.This movie is anti of all ..anti-western, anti-hero, anti-heroine, anti-capitalism, anti-socialism, anti-idealism,anti-realism, anti-romance, anti-marriage, anti-erotica,and finally anti-movie..or may be you should replace anti with 'no'.The only thing you can say about this movie is that it is robert almanesque...that too a  poetic robert altmanesque. Only, very few directors get the naming of genres in their name.

The movie is about this man who wants to setup a whore house (not my words) in a developing town in the west..most probably in the state of Washington.Everybody thinks that he is a gun fighter which he is not..everyone thinks that he is a good businessman..which he is not. Who is he? He is a nobody with no past or future...just trying to survive.

The movies starts with rain..with leonard cohen singing..and the titles floating on the screen and the hero on the horse..slowly walking..in to the town.I dont know about you, but I am always sucker for movies involving rain, snow or early sunrise.I love movies which uses nature not as an asthetic but part of the story to create emotion...an emotion which cannot be defined in words.

The first scene of the movie is the most difficult to watch for the first time viewers..because it is very disorienting.The dialogs overlap a lot and the camera focus on some seemingly unimportant things.But, if you can survive the first scene..I guess u can survive the whole movie.

Then comes julie christie. I fell in love with her character...a professional prostitute..a wise one..has seen how this world works.A complete realist...but escapes in her own world of marijuana and knowlege..despite maintaining a chaotic business.She knows that in the system she lives in, big fish eats the small fish and that resistance is futile.I like her, because I totally understand her. Its like, she has soo much knowledge about the world and about how it should be..but has to do what she has to do because the world is full of ignorants,opputunisits and exploiters. Its like she almost gave up..until she met this hero guy..but this guy too with his idealism destroyed everything. In the final scene, when her man is fighting the bad guys,she just goes to the chinese drug place and smokes marijuana and looks as if she got lost in her own fantasy world...as the camera zooms in to her dilated pupils. Ms.Miller, where ever you are, please leave a comment here.I will marry you.Serious!

There is no music in the movie ..except songs of leonard cohen. Nobody..I repeat ..nobody..used his songs in such a poetic way. Sometimes, I think this  movie was made just to show case his songs. Without his songs..I cant  imagine the movie. Cinematography by Vilmos Zsimond  is very natural..as if the the post cards of the west have been transported directly to the screen. I just wanted to pack my bags to go to vancouver, canada where it was shot..( I actually did this with another movie 'Do the right thing'..in NYC..which must actually be new blog post)..

I was in NYC when I heard that robert altman died. I already knew that his time was near...as he was already working with a pig's heart and still made one more great movie.For any movie buff, death of a favorite director is always a  hard thing to stomach.In the evening, I bought a bottle of cheap vodka, started the movie tape, and when leanard cohen started singing "sisters of mercy" ,when the girl says, " I need to go to pot"...and then the camera zooms in to warren beatty...and you would have noticed tear drops in my eyes if you were there with me. That was my closure.

One more of my infamous cuts:

Self portrait of a borderline

Jade is most probably a high functioning borderline with ADD. Officially diagnosed as BPD...but I am not 100% sure of that diagnosis.

She is one of the very few BPDs who understands their disorder. A multi-talented person.. covering lot of fields including the art of seduction. She could be diabolical at times and could be naive at times. She hates Obama, loves capitalism and could be a closet racist. Sometimes, she contradicts herself and sometimes..I have no idea what she is talking about. Visually, I think her mind is a combination of escher and dali.

Her life in quotes:

I wasn't born a rebel, but my life would be somewhat similar to this innocent girl locked inside sitting in a corner by the window all alone talking to birds while watching her parents argue ALL throughout the day and night not realizing that there's another soul living in the house until she gets to high school only to realize that her innocence led to threat and torture by perverts, crying not being an option and not wanting to be a coward to end it all, learned to take matters in her own hands, one instance being 'Touch me and I'd slit your throat' - lessons learned to be emotionally independent, say "Screw You" if circumstances ask for it...

Somewhere within me, there's a girl living in fairy tales chasing true love - I'd be willing to change my life around for him not because I need him emotionally or financially but because I am incomplete without him my heart stops beating..

despite of knowing what i am doing, i cant help it its more like trying to survive than anything else by doing this trying to not feel what i feel

I've found and lost love .


I dont think she'll ever care abt u anymore, she wont give a damn whether u live or die... thats how they are with their exs






no matter what I do.... no matter how much I try or not try... it's not going to stop... ever... like you're living in a hell... all your life ... thats exactly why I dont want to live... but I dont wanna commit suicide either....

it's easier to just do it... anything to stop feeling this way i dont know how to explain it to u there were times i felt like i was the female version of jesus carrying all the sins over my shoulders... like all these emotions i couldnt take it doesnt stop but once in a while, it stops and i feel like i am on ecstasy

he can do whatever he wants to me as long as he doesn't leave me





when I talk to people and I want to talk to them.... my emotions are blank...its my head doing all the talking and too busy to scan for emotions

I can tell u one thing, the answers that I give u today might not be the answers that i have for u tomorrow....cause they're not based on what i feel.... they're based on how i think

I use guys to feel something... for love, the care... all those things... it's like an obsession for some time... and then it becomes a torture

I love eggplant parmesan

some women look for prince charming... some for knight in shining armor... i am the kind that goes for the latter

I cant control my anger


I personally hate sympathy i'd much rather have people think I am the bad person intead of feeling sorry for me

I dont know anything about normal emotions...mine feels like new emotions... like I am not sure what they are... like i am absorbing strange unknown very intense emotions and I am not sure what they are... like when normal people are sad... they know why they're sad... or what they feel... I don't....