17.The Constancy of Everything.
Dear Friends, Please listen to me carefully. Please follow my train of thought. Please try to feel my questions. Please understand me.
What is the most horrible thing you have seen in your life? What is the ugliest thing you have seen your life? What is the most fearful thing you have seen in life which made you tremble with fear..giving you nightmares? What is that thing you have seen, and if God present yourself before you and grant you only one wish, You would beg him, ‘ Please erase the memory of that thing from me’? Were you ever in a situation where you said to yourself, ‘Okay, This is it. This is the absolute fear. I never want to experience this again’? Have you ever come across people who absolutely abhor cockroaches? Have you ever met people who suffers from Ophidiophobia, and ask them, ‘What if when you wake up, you discovered a snake around your neck with its hood right before your eyes, and smell its breath?”? Have your ever panicked in your life? Have you met anyone who suffers from panic attacks?
Forget for a second about the reality. Even in imagination…
What’s the best horror movie or story you have heard or seen, which haunted you for years? What’s your worst night mare?
What is the most horrible fearful situation or thing the humanity has seen or heard?
Is it the image of those 16-pack skeletons in Auschwitz camp during Second World War? Is it the image of thousands of dead bodies being dumped unceremoniously during the same war? Or is it the image of that innocent dead girl among the bodies? Is it the image of that naked Japanese girl running on the streets when her town was attacked? Is it the video of massacres somewhere in Africa? Is it the image of a person being shot dead? Is it the video of people jumping from the burning twin towers? Is it the video of be-headings? Is it the video of black hawk helicopters killing civilians? Is it the video of women stoned to death?
What are those things,situations,images,videos, stories,nightmares…the world has seen,faced,heard,experienced, and imagined; Which made it tremble with fear, imagining itself in that situation, and plunged into action, saying, “ Never again. Never again such thing should happen to anyone in this world”.
I ask you, what are your nightmares?
Losing a job? Living in a shack? Begging for money?
Death of your loved ones?
Losing your beauty? Losing your fame?
Getting stuck in a bad marriage? Spouse having an affair?
Loss of love? Loneliness? Going crazy?
Boredom?
Why do people commit suicides? Because, they fear their own existence.
Fear is the root cause of every emotion in the emotional universe.
A person lives in his own emotional universe, and the meta-physics of that universe is determined by the absolute constants, just like the constancy of the speed of the light in the physical world.
Doesn’t the physics change if the max speed is beyond the speed of the light in vacuum?
That’s why, you don’t feel my fear, and I don’t feel yours. We have different absolutes.
If I have the same fears as yours, and If I can feel them the same way you felt, won't I came and kiss you and hug you with tears in my eyes?
And, in that moment, that night, the moment when I focused the torchlight on to that figure standing beside the candle….the fear in that moment became the Maximum Absolute Fear in my life.
Yes, the fear was mostly from what I saw. But; the whole situation, and the sequence of steps leading to that situation, the power-cut, the harsh light from the torchlight, the angle, the shadows, my state of mind, my imagination…everything..everything added to that Horror.
It was a 4 foot human/animal/Alien. May be, May be not. Whatever it was, it was a living breathing organism. If a tortoise mated with a crocodile mated with a large shrimp mated with a snake mated with a very old short woman…the result is IT. It was the ugliest living organism I ever saw.
It was standing on its strong hind legs, Which looked like the feet of a crocodile; Its front legs were so tiny, that they looked like a large shrimp; it had ears of a small elephant, with lot of white hair coming out of it, almost touching its neck; the face looked like a horse, and the skin around the neck and face looked saggy and wrinkled, reminding me of a very old woman; its huge tongue reminded me of a snake, as if the snake itself became part of the tongue; and its teeth reminded of the aliens I saw in ‘Alien’ movies.
But, what horrified me the most was its eyes. They looked human, as if they were capable of emotions. Those eyes were looking at me, they were observing me. They had the look of a very strict school principal who sternly looks at the irascible pupil…saying, “ Look, I am observing you for a long time. I was patient till now. But now, you have crossed your limits. You are going to suffer”.
It was not only horror which engulfed me… all the other complex emotions that had their source in fear played a part in that moment. I abhorred, despised, loathed and hated it.
My panicked frozen body produced tremendous amount of sweat, and the torch light slipped from my hands. As I watched the falling torch light hitting the floor, the power came back, and the lights killed the darkness, illuminating the room, as if to wake me up from a strange nightmare. I looked back at the candle, to find that grotesque organism. It was gone. The lone half-burnt candle became the lone witness of that organism other than me.
I jumped to the floor, slipped, and as I turned back, I saw IT on the Ataka, standing exactly at the same position I had stood before, looking at me, observing me, with the same kind of expression it had before. How fast does this thing move? If someone photographed me at that exact moment, they would find that the expression on my face would exactly match with the expression my mother had in her photograph..the photograph which I investigated couple of days back. I was at the exact position..the same position my mother had stood in her photograph.
Then, it turned and walked away into the darkness of the Ataka. When I saw its back, as it turned, I puked out of some extreme disgust. Its back was so smooth that the only expression I could be come up with was of disgust…just like a smoothness of a snake, the smoothness on the cockroach wings…the emotion coming from the contrast of an ugliest organism having a smooth and beautiful skin.
I ran towards the hall, checking my neck…as if to find some crawling insects, shouting in my mind..as if not to let the sight of that organism register in my memory…and then kicking myself ..as if to wake up from sleep.
I slipped near the gate, falling down on my face, mumbling something. I noticed my dad running towards me. and I shouted..
I saw it. It saw me. I saw it. It saw me.
Continued here..
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