20. The book of revelations
One of the biggest myths perpetuated by the humanity from time immemorial, one of the biggest lies the humanity believed and deluded itself is this --- Parental love --- that Parents unconditionally love their kids. If such kind of unconditional love existed; then why are there honor killings, incestuous rapes, forced arranged marriages, jealousies, harassments, cruel corporeal punishments. divorces, second third fourth marriages, selling own kids, and borderline parents engulfing their kids? I am not saying that parental love does not exist, I am just saying that when people say that parental love is universal,that it is granted, that it is given....Its all a lie.
If at all there is anything that is called as Love, it only comes from understanding, not from needs. In that sense, a buffalo ferociously protecting its calf from the lion is not love, the mother nurturing her kid is not love ...they are just necessary evolutionary survival instincts.If parents refuse to understand their kids...then parental love has no meaning. There is nothing immoral,moral,right or wrong in that. Just that there is a disconnect between what the society teaches us and what really happens.
That was why I couldn't control my laugh when my dad finally said, " In spite of all this, In spite of you behaving so oddly, I still love you.Because, you are my son".
That was how that episode ended. Me laughing, and he leaving the scene.
That afternoon, as I was getting ready myself for an afternoon nap, I got a call. A trembling, agitated voice said, " Meet me exactly 10pm tonight at the ground"
"who is this?", I asked.
He revealed his name. It was the servant, the one who collapsed on the ataka.
"Just be there. I need to talk to you", he curtly said and disconnected the phone.
I spent the whole afternoon about what he was going to say. I had an inkling as to what he was going to say. He might had seen something there.But, why didn't he say something then? Why now?
At 9:45 pm I walked to the ground, reaching 5 minutes before the appointment. It was empty. The only light was the street light outside the ground. I stood at the lighted section of the ground and waited for him. Few minutes passed.Then I noticed a figure approaching me from the non-gated side of the ground, as If he was already there before I came.
I recognized the servant's voice as he asked, " Did anyone come with you?"
"No", I replied.
"Now, tell me what did you expect me to find there when you sent me up there", he asked with a trembling voice. He was obviously scared shitless.
"What did you see?", I asked him.
"Do you believe in god?"
"No"
"Do you believe in Jesus Christ?"
"Wait..what is all this?? Just tell me what you saw there""
"Read the bible..in the book of revelations..its all written"
I was aware of book of revelations. Every biblical horror movie I ever saw had a reference to that particular part of the book. If those horror movies were to be believed, the book of revelations had some information about how the world is gonna end..all those predictions.
"Cut the crap, and tell me what you saw there", I asked this time forcefully.
"Devil". he said, " I saw the devil"
"A devil?", I asked.
"A satanic devil", he replied.
" If you saw something there, why didn't you tell us about it on that day? Why did you act as if nothing happened"
"Don't you get it?"
"What?"
"The devil is protected. If your eyes meet the devils, and after that if you continue to be believer in the lord Jesus Christ, You are dead. They will kill you"
"Who are they?"
"The soldiers of Satan, your father, and his two friends"
"Stop it. Stop this nonsense", I raised my voice.
"I am warning you. Leave that house immediately, right now.You will die if you don't", he warned me.
"Thanks. I will think about it", I replied a bit sarcastically.
He remained silent for few moments.
Then he blurted out, "Its coming in my sleep. I couldn't forget its eyes. I couldn't sleep. The devil wants me.It wants me. Only Christ is protecting me..."
He murmured something, and then trembled in fear, and then he turned around and ran, disappearing into darkness.
While walking back home, I remembered that I too shouted 'I saw devil..I saw devil' while I was in the hospital. My 'devil' was different than this servant guy's 'devil'. I was sure that I had referenced devil in a casual way. But, his devil was the biblical devil -- the Satan himself. Then, it all made sense to me. He saw IT. IT saw him. But his conclusions were different.
I once had an unfortunate encounter with these kind of religious fanatics. With that experience, I can tell you, Whenever they see something extraordinary, either on earth or in the sky, they immediately attribute it to the bible. Most of the time it was all about second coming of the Christ, kingdom of the god, or the end of the world..and there was always evil lurking around..competing with the lord; it could be a comet, or a tragedy, or even gay marriage. If something abhors them, and if they couldn't wrap their mind around it, they immediately attribute it to the devil, concluding that it was a sign of things to come...horrible things.
Its not that they believe the bible, They want to believe the bible.They want to believe in something -- something permanent. They yearn for that.They were taught all their life that Bible is the word, that it is the word of god, and that it is permanent and eternal. The existence of other religions, faiths, agnostics and atheists makes them uncomfortable, and it plants a seed of doubt in their mind.That doubt bothers them every day. These extraordinary events provide them an excellent opportunity to clear that doubt. They find some hidden meanings in the bible pointing to those events, making them clear their doubt and restore their faith in the word of god. In that process they go to extraordinary level, almost obsessional level, to publicize the event, and finally saying that the Bible predicted it.
I attributed the same reason to the servant guy. But, in this case, the event actually happened to him. I felt bad for him. Jesus Christ, most probably the first person in the whole world who started the love movement at a mass level, taught us to love the enemy. But, there is no way any living human could love that creature.
I was sure about his recovery though. I thought that he was just going through a phase of coming in terms with a creature he had never seen before. I came out of it, didn't I? ...did I?
That night, as usual, I couldn't sleep. The encounter with the servant, and his words proved to me the existence of the creature, and he became my living witness, a living proof of my sanity. Slowly a plan formed in my mind, as to what I was supposed to do, and how to proceed. While I was thinking about the plan, I realized that I didn't love my mother. I just wanted to solve the mystery of mother. The mystery became my obsession. Dead or alive, I wanted to know what had happened to her after she left the house. I was surprised at myself, watching the passion and obsession with which I wanted to go after her. I wondered what could be that force inside my mind which was driving me towards her.
Next day afternoon, when I got up, My Dad broke me the shocking news. The servant guy committed suicide. His wife found his body hanging from the ceiling as she woke up in the morning. He hung himself right before his wife and kids as they slept. He took measures not to disturb their sleep as he died. That poor guy! That poor selfish guy!
In his suicide letter, written in poor Telugu, he explained that he was unable to clear the mounting debts and since he couldn't find a solution, he was forced to take that extreme measure. Few sentences near the end of the letter caught my attention. He wrote : Poverty is THE devil. I saw that devil. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't get away from it. I refuse that devil as my master. Jesus commanded us to love the poor because he knew the hatred in this devil.
That was how he ended his letter, and that must have been the first and last time he was creative. Had he realized, as he ended the letter, that he too could be creative, would he still be alive? Can a creative person creatively live his life? Can he creatively find solutions for the problems in his life? As I read those words, I felt that he cleverly mixed two truths in his life -- The 'devil' he saw, and the poverty he experienced everyday. But, he was afraid of the so called 'soldiers' coming after his family if they came to know that he saw the 'devil'. A dying man always want to tell the truth, to the people and to himself. And, that guy did his best to tell the truth. In the end, both were true. For me, he died a long back when he saw the devil of poverty, and now the sight of real 'devil' sealed his fate.
Some people face their fears, fight with them, and comes out triumphantly.
Some people face their fears, and unable to bear the horror, kills themselves.
Some people fear the fear itself, and by refusing to face it, die every day.
That servant who became my friend posthumously, my lone witness, my only proof of my sanity....died only twice.
Continued here..
No comments:
Post a Comment