The mother of all RANTS

The sun was shining. The wind was blowing. The waves were

crashing.The same scene and setting every time. I stood at the

shore with my small boat..just like mogli standing on the hill,

looking at eternity.Except, I was staring at the remote island

10 miles away. They said no body reached that island before.

I tried. I tried like 10 times for the last 5 yrs and failed each time.

The wise man in my village, Stephen corvey, always told me that, will to succeed will make you succeed. If you have the will, all the gods come together to help you. I know I have the will to succeed. The fisherman's daughter, I love her.Her smile makes me shiver and her body makes me quiver.Excuse my ryhming her. She deserve poetry. But, she thinks I am a bum. Good for nothing bum. Not working, always dreaming, lazy ass bum.Eventhough, I was the most learned man in the village..she just didnt care. I told her," you stop dreaming only when you die.The carpenter, the fishermen, washermen, toolsmith and the farmer...they are all losers. They are all just like that village idiot.Look at the stars, look at the sky, there are all waiting to be explored. But they, they are just doing the same thing again and again..and feeling content about it. Dont they feel suffocated living in this village".Thats how I reasoned. She thought I was crazy.No, she actually told me that I was crazy. I wanted to prove to her and the world that I was not crazy. To dream is not crazy.

I pushed my boat in to the sea during the high tide. I climbed it and roved towards my dream island. I said to myself," This is the last time. I got the will.I got the strength and all the gods are on my side.More than that, I am also proactive". I started rowing faster and faster. My adrenalin pumping and my thoughts racing. I was half way towards that island. The history books are gonna talk about me one day. The TV channels are gonna interview..I will be on the talk shows...people watching with awe.Sexy woman chase me and I will be living on the top of the world. I didnt even think about the fisherman's daugther. Suddnely, she looked so unappealing.

I was a mile away from the island. Then the shit happend. The boat

sank and I with it.'Mayday...Mayday' I shouted. The carpenter, fisherman, toolsmith and the farmer rescued me ..once again..for the 11th time.I couldnt make eye contact with them. But, they didnt care.They were stoic.They didnt mind rescuing me again and again.

The sea was calm. The moon was shining and the water reflecting..

It was beautiful. I layed down on the beach and stared at the sky and the stars. I dreamed that fishermans daughter coming to me...bringing with her fish curry and rice. I ate with her..and sang a song to her.She smiled. Then I woke up. It was all a dream. Then, Paulo Coelho came. I asked him,

"Who am I? Why am I a loser?".

"You are not a loser. You are a dreamer. You are an explorer".

"Bullshit!"

"No one is a loser. Except the person who hurts others".

"just Shutup!"

"You are an unhappy person. You cant be a farmer or a carpenter".

"Trust me. I am very happy".

"Trust me. You are not."

"Fuck you and your alchemist"

"stop cursing".. and he left.

I like paulo, but he is too spiritual sometimes.

There you go.Once again, I became depressed. The moon looked ugly..with its ugly valleys and all.The thing about depression is that you lose your self-esteem. The huge ocean dosent make you smaller, but your village and the people in it makes you smaller.The fact that you can never marry the fisherman's daughter, makes you smaller. You come to conclusion that there is no hope.But, there is always hope. Hope is like air, it is in abundance..but sometimes, you forget to breath when anxiety and depression gets you.

The good thing about anxiety and depression is that, they will never

be there for long. Never take a decision during your highs or lows, a wiseman smoking weed..said once.I let it slide. Always let it slide. Never fight with the black cloud. It always wants drama. Never grant its wishes.

I woke up the next morning..thats what i thought..but it was afternoon. Everyone was eating their lunches..in the cool shade of the trees..tired from half day work.I felt guilty and pissed off with myself.What motivates these people to get up early on the morning, drink their coffees and go to their boring, ever repeating work? I always thought. May be paulo was right. May be happy people dosent need motivation. But no one is happy in this world. The conundrum. I imagined doing the farming. It brought me tears. First, I have to clean up the soil.wait. then plant the seeds.then wait. wait some more. Then use pesticides.then wait.and then wait for the paddy to grow..OMG..I cant wait. I want them to grow in a week. I cant do this shit. This is a true nightmare.

I walked through the village. I expected people cursin me. But, they just ignored. It pissed me off more. Atleast talk something.

I was not sad or angry, though. The kids are playing on the street...torturing the crab.The crab gave up long time back, but its reflexes are still fighting. I walked past the kids. Then, I saw a deadbody and people crying hysterically around it. I walked past."Bitches, why are u crying? You know he is going to die..nobody promised anything". But, it made me think. I was thinking. Whats the purpose..why we work? to build...to explore...for what?? to die in the end? I then gave up. It is not like the moment of realizatioon they show in the movies..it is not like the moment of buddha..no..its not like that. It was very simple and sudden. I just gave up. Dreams are of no use. Especially, when you dream about being better than every body. Especially, when you dream because you hate other people. What is true and what is false? What is right and what is wrong? I have no idea. But, giving up my dreams made me very happy. As if the burden from my heart has vanished. I am new person now. I ran.

I joined the carpenter as the apprentice. He wanted me to dream about being the best carpenter in the village. I said..no sir...no dreams for me. If I dream, I lose. I was working and making money..and I noticed fisherman's daughter smiling at me. I thought, " A man is only a man when he works and makes money". Nobody loves a bum. Nobody loves a dreamer.You gotta be productive to be part of this society. If not, you are just a leech. Its good to be normal...aint it? Sometimes, lowering your expectations will make all the difference.

I worked up my confidence and self-esteem. Every smile from fisherman's daughter made me feel like the king of the world. Then with that confidence, I thought, may be the will is not everything. There must be something else. May be stephen is missing something. stephen is a wise man..good guy..but no body is perfect.

Everyone makes mistakes.This got me thinking. If the wise man makes mistakes..then whatever he says must be questioned and scrutinzied.What if the problem is not with me? I went to the boat and scrutinized it. It is as plain as daylight. Every boat has a small hole in it ...a very small hole which no one can notice. No one noticed because they didnt venture that far into the sea...duh!

Even, when I drowned, they didnt notice the problem with the boat. I was busy blaming myself for lack of will. People were busy blaming

me...they were saying, may be I should have worked a bit more...

may be I should have steered the boat at 31.5 degrees left to the

wind,may be I should have practiced roving more instead of being a lazy ass..the blame game was pm full force at that time...but blaming never solves the problem. It just forcefully solves equation...an equation of cause and effect..which satisfies every one.Even the dog on the road has an opinion on you.

The dreamer in me came back full force.I met stephen and I said,

"You told me it is all about will and preserverance".

" Actually I talked about being proactive..not will"

" How can i be proactive without the will to be proactive"

"But, you preservered, dint ya?"

"No, I didnt. I gave up.If I didnt give up I would have been drowned like 100 more times".

"May be god helped you..after seeing your will"

"But, why would god help me when I gave up my will?"

"May be he saw the goodness in you...your pure heart..."

"stephen..stephen...listen to me ...I like you. You are a good guy..a wise man..but u are wrong sometimes..and accept that and dont try to hide them behind your god.You are right about the will. But, what is will anyway. Everyone has it. Too much attention to will, will make people judge others. Will became catchall phrase for all the failures. Its as if you are telling that you need to have a strong will to have a strong will.That is fucking circular..if you dont mind.May be the problem is with the boat.Not the will"

" I think in abstracts..not in details.I am sorry".

" Its okay stephen..you did your best".

" You are damn right..i did my best..you asshole"

" What is this? Anti-drama?? you are not supposed to curse me when i say something positive about you"

" oops..sorry.I failed drama class..thats why I write self-help books"

" dont worry. I failed too."

Then, I went and repaired the boat.Not a perfect patch, but enough.

I took it to the sea. I know, this time I can make it. I was about to the push the boat in to the sea, but I stopped. Wait a minute, Why do I want to reach that island? To prove to everyone that I am something?To prove to everyone in the village that I am better than them.?To prove to the carpenter than I am better than him?..the same carpenter who taught me lot of things? Did einstein and newton thought about proving to the world before they thought about physics? I dont think so. I dont need to prove nothing to the world.I dont need to reach the 'TOP'. What is top anyway? It is just a pyramid of people. Self-esteem is the root of this shit. I need to reach a state of enlightnment where nothing else matters. This is my moment of clarity.

Buddha winked at me...and I winked back. I like this dude.

This moment of clarity, is it temporary or permanent? I dont care..but I am in that zone right now. I looked at the sea..there is no sea anymore. All I see is a plain road direct to the island...the island of my dreams. I went to the fisherman's daughter

and hold her hand. She was looking with awe and love. I was surprised.

May be the enlightment made me mysterious...no idea. She was love with me. was I god or what? No words need to be said. Everything was understood and implied.

Holding hands, we walked on the road towards the island.The sun was mysteriously setting behind the island and we walked towards it. I was very happy..but then I realised that I was not happy because of the island, I was happy because of the fisherman's daughter. Man..this love is something. Then I realised that happiness is not somewhere in the mysterious islands..not somewhere in unknown lands..it is all within yourself..its between you and your parter.OMG.. realisations within realisations..I need to carry a paper and pen..next time.I guess my blog works fine. No visas, no green cards, no citizenships, no false prestige..all you need is a girl who understands you.right?

The end. lets go home. The audience paid money to 'feel-good'.But, this is not a movie..this is a rant. It dosent need audience.There will be no end.That is the beauty of the rant. You dont need to care about characters, plot,entertainment, songs, fights,grammer,spelling..nothing. When you strip everything, all you got is something closest to truth or may be insanity. I hope people rant once in a while.

We reached the island by night. The island is okay..better than our village..neat bathrooms and good roads. We made love under the moon..with REM man on the moon playing in the background.weird choice. I agree.

then she started,"Do u really love me?"

"ofcourse"

"You didn't talk about me much in this rant.its all about you..isnt it?"

"because..it is my rant and I am the main character in my rant"

"But if you REALLY love me, you would include me as equal in your rant"

" R we talking about the rant in the rant itself? its self-reference"

"what reference?"

"deja vu"

"what?"

"nothing"

I looked at her, for the first time, in a different light. is this the girl I was in love with? is she dumb? Did I fell for her fish curry?

But, she trusted me..didnt she? She came all over to the new island.

Then I started being coy, " Babe, you need a rave..not a rant".

" you are being coy ", she said.

Thank god.. she is not dumb..I thought.

Then I started to rewrite my rant. But thats ridiculous to do that. Then I realised that I dont know nothing about her. I have no idea what she wants, her desires, her pain, her sadness..nothing.nada.zilch.

I felt very guilty. Enlightment didnt help much. Then I realised whatever partial enlightment I had dosent help much in relationships. Thats why my buddies jesus and buddha renounced relationships. But, I am not them.Dont want to be them.

I moved close to her and looked her in her moon lit eyes and said,

"Baby, Whats your rant?"

* For what its worth,this rant is dedicated to all people who are enjoying their ADHD/ADD.It is also dedicated to all people who at some point suffered anxiety and depression..and which includes 100% of the population.It is also dedicated to people who are fighting for public health care.

Greatest Movies Ever Made Series ---- Rosemary's Baby

What is the greatest horror movie ever made? A controversial

question. Because, horror is a genre in which even non-film

buffs flex their muscles to tell whats the best. Movies like Exorcist,

Texas chain saw massacre, psycho, italian movie suspiria,shining,

evil dead, ringu,latest japanese horror fad etc are thrown into the

ring.So, let me refine the question. What is the greatest horror

movie without gruesome scenes,in your face camera movement

and music,'bowww' moments,'look here I am setting up a scene

where by the end of it you will crapping your pants' and treat the

audience as a complete idiot?.Then, I believe the answer is

rosemary's baby. Does it scares the bejesus out of you..may be

may be not, it depends.

The director is Roman Polanski.As usual with all the great directors,

I cant begin to tell how much I like his movies. let me just say that

he is one among the top 30 directors I admire. Great directors always

leave a signature in their movies. That was the mantra of 60's

french critics,who went on to became great directors like godard and

truffaut.Roman Polanski leaves a signature..you feel it as scene by

scene the movie progresses...His signature,for me, is the 'slow

creeping of the story', its like the slow and steady kick a costly scotch

gives,like a water drop on a chalk.But, at the same time punctuated

with some strange characters with their weird behaviour. Stickler to

details, but no grandiose self-congratulating stuff. Rosemary's baby

is not his best, if you ask me, I would say 'China town' and also 'knife

in the water' and may be, 'Fearless vampire killers'.

Mia farrow and John cassavities are the new couple who

are in search for a new apt and also trying to concieve.Weird

things starts happening after they move to the new apartment,

especially some thing is seriously wrong with their nextdoor

neighbours. One day she gets pregnant.From then onwards,

things starts to become worse..she becomes weak, alone and scared.

She has no idea how she became pregnant and gets this weird idea

that someone is going to steal her baby.No one believes her and no

one helps her.is it real? or is she goin mad?..but the good question to

ask is,'is the baby..really a baby?'..and 'What is in that closet?'

Its Mia farrow all the way.She appears weak, fragile,naive and

emotionally dependent on her husband.At some point in the movie,

all you can do is just feel really bad for her...and I think thats a great

achievement for the actress to make audience feel like that..because

in the end, a movie is always an illusion. Ruth gordon is awesome as

the creepy next door neighbour.Just pray that she is not your neighbour.

The last 30 minutes moves fast and is a great thriller, a movie onto

itself.I just wish a much tighter version..but as they say, never mess

with the director's vision.

This scene comes during the later part of the movie, where she

leaves the apartment in desperate need for help. Mia is really good

in this long scene without a cut.(No idea why the frame moves right..

may be witchcraft :)).

* Lot of great movie experiences were screwed by over-expectations

and by over-enthusiastic reviewers like me. Just sayin.

Who am I?

I asked this many times myself. I am sure many of you asked
this question yourselves. I remember Jakie Chan asking the same
question. This is a very important question.

Because this is the question that separated us from the so-called
animals.The 'I' part of the question is what gives us humans a
special meaning. The 'I' is the consciousness, the belief that we
exist in this world. It is the self-reference. It is a program which
can program itself.

Then, really, who am I?

Orgasm. The most pleasurable, overwhelming 5 seconds of
anyone's life is the orgasm. Why is this simple climax of copulation
extremely pleasurable..unlike the pleasure of food and sleep?

The reason is simple. The whole existence of you, and reason for
evolution, the reason why man became powerful -- is for the
propagation of genes. We are just machines in which genes reside.
They are the one which drives us to do things, so that they can
propagate and survive.Once you have done enough of their
propagation..you are done buddy.You can die. There is a
theory that if the humans somehow stop having kids before
the age of 40, then most probably the life span is gonna increase.

There you go my friend.Each and every act of yours is defined by
chemicals released in brain. The reason why you get hungry, sleep,
desire,anger,love, menopause and each and every goddamn emotion
....everything is because of the chemicals in the brain.
What mechanism releases these chemicals? The mechanism
created by genes.

Why a mother love her child? Chemicals released in mother's
brain makes her love her child. The act of nursing makes a mother
happy. I ask again, What makes the mother love her child? Because,
it has been discovered by trail and error, by evolution,
that if the mother does not take care of the child, the child may
die and thus stop the propagation of genes.

Lets take the case of child birth. How uncomfortable it is to
have a new person in a woman's body for 9 months...not to
mention the pain during the delivery. Sometimes, the delivery
itself is dangerous to the mother's health. In spite of knowing all
these, the women go thru all the steps of getting a child...no matter
what. Their life becomes soo unfulfilled without a child. Not only
that,the funny thing is, the gender who carries the burden of
child birth, is always made physically inferior to the opposite gender.
Genetic genius or what!

Its simple, we are just voluntary slaves for the master. We work hard
for the master the whole day..and in return the master gives us a
gram of cocaine in the night. Thats what we crave for...thats what
we live for. We are all chemical addicts each and every second of the day.


Imagine this scenario. A group of different single cellular organisms
come together, forming a symbiotic relationship, to give the shape
of human being. They use this human being to protect themselves
and propagate.This could be a crack pot theory until we replace those
organisms with genes.

You may say that human genes and humans are all the same and they
are working towards a common goal. I think that is true only when it
is applied to animals. Since, humans gained consciousness,the goals
of the genes and goals of "I" may be completely different.Genes are
ruthless.They are competitive.They will do anything for their
propagation.They do not have empathy.But, humans have empathy..
don't they?You may say genes created empathy, but empathy is a
learned behavior.I am very convinced that the first piece of empathy
came from human consciousness.

Thats where the clash comes between human consciousness
and genes.Empathy.

So, who am I? I am not my legs, not my eyes..and not my body
or even my brain.

"I" am vamsee, the consciousness.

unfortunately, "I" does not exist with out the body.
So, I just got to accept the cruel fact and get along with this shit.

So, next time you have an orgasm, thank the genes for giving a bone
to the dog and keeping it happy.


How to define self?
Can self be defined outside the purview of chemicals?
Can we measure it and capture it?
hippie movement in 60's has anything to do with it?
How to discover that self?? (lol..as if I know)
I am asking the above questions myself..
debate would be fine.

* Just sharing my thoughts..

Greatest Movies Ever Made Series ---- Sweet Smell of Success

Sweet Smell of Success.

















Why do certain movies effect you in a profound way?
Why do certain movies age to become great and some others stale?
Can you put a finger on it and tell..this is what I like?


Even though, dialogues,story and acting, comes to my mind when
I think about this or any movie, I don't think they are the
only reasons.A great movie comes from the perfect storm
of situations,but, then again,I would also argue that a movie
is a very much a personal vision of the director.Both are true.

In the case of Sweet Smell of Success, I believe it is the perfect
storm.A unique story, a unique setting, sharp dialogues,
Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis,lack of big budget. Sometimes,
low budget movies gotta be creative to avoid the costs of
cranes and big studio sets.

JJ Hunsecker (Burt Lancaster) is the hot shot news paper column
writer who can make or break any man's life.
Sidney Falco (Tony curtis) is the psychopant whose bread
earner is the gossip he provides to the JJ's column.

Now, both the men has no morals, no shame, no guilt or any other
things which makes them good human beings. They could be suave,
romantic or even sympathetic, but they don't "feel" them, they just
express these learned emotions to conquer their object of desire.
Their only object of desire is Success,in terms of power and money.
The only emotion they feel for is the "Sweet Smell of Success".

I have met some men like these in real and for me, they are
really boring.For others,they are the charmers,romantic heroes
and alpha males. Some women love these kind of men, going back
again and again to the same person who abused them.Its as if they
are addicted to the pain.When two people with these kind of
personalities meet, they admire each other, but at the same time
they gotta watch their back, as they know that a hungry snake can
eat another snake.

Now, coming back to the story, JJ wants to break up his little sisters
romance and he wants to use Sydney to help him. Thats it. That is
the story. No heroes, no sex, no glamour...just two people screwing
up other peoples lives to climb up the ladder and fuel their own grandiosity.

JJ : What's this boy got that Susie likes?

SIDNEY : Integrity - acute, like indigestion.

JJ : What does that mean - integrity?

SIDNEY : A pocket fulla firecrackers - looking for a match! It's a new wrinkle to tell the truth... I never thought I'd make a killing on some guy's "integrity".

JJ : Full of beans, ain't you? But you know that you'll stand or fall by what you're doing now...

SIDNEY : Calculated risk. Only we happen to know, J.J., that you like me. I'm your star pupil -- I reflect back to you your own talent.

JJ : I wouldn't like to take a bite of you; you're a cookie full of arsenic.


I cut a scene where JJ is first introduced.This scene is unique
in the way it was shot...either the camera angles or the way it
is edited. Mind you, there are better scenes in the film than this
one.I wish I could create a clip with all the great scenes and dialogues
in the movie to make you interested, but I always thought that the
worst thing to do is to make a trailer better than the movie. I also
wish I could write a better review than this one. But, Roger Ebert
is always there for an alternative.

Did you ever try to change topic during conversation to
avoid embarrassment..?





Other Stuff : The main characters in the movie "Wallstreet" were
heavily inspired from JJ and Sydney.
A character in the movie, "Diner"..likes this movie so much that he
remembers by rote all the dialogues.

Elizabeth shue....

Anyone would fall in love with her in the movie -'Adventures in baby sitting'. Even though, not one of the greats, this movie is totally underrated and one of my guilty pleasures. Some how I got a thing for movies which happens in one night. The crystal's song used here again..

District 9 and Hang over

District 9 : A high energy movie with good concept. The last half kind of dragged and bored me.

Hang over : A true laugh riot. A must watch. Great movie...NO.

Inglorious Basterds..

It is not about inglorious basterds..not about brad pitt..not about

hitler or world war 2..It is all about inspiration from sergio leonne
movies..Every scene sets up a confrontation with lengthy dialogues
followed with a violent ending..The violence is quick and brutal...
May be tarantino is in love with himself and his scenes..
What ever it is, the first half was awesome..not so the second half..
May be I gotta watch it again..